Anything But the Hat!
by DgShadowChocolate
Summary: Book 3 of the Bothering Chronicles! Does anybody understand this guy? Or how he can't blink? Oh boy, I see a headache coming for somebody. RUN! R


Anything But the Hat!

The day was sunny, as all days come in mid-June. It was the perfect blend of sunlight, heat, puffy white clouds, and baby blue skies. It was seventy degrees; that equalized temperature that kept you warm, but not _that _warm to make it uncomfortable if you were, say, running for your life or something like that.

For two male Hedgehogs, today it wasn't 'something like that'

Yes, they were running for their lives. Again. What did you expect?

The green hillsides were dotted with smoking craters, scuffled footprints, and more than a few skid marks. Anyone walking through the countryside would have easily heard the heated battle taking place, felt the disconcerting quaking of the ground, put two and two together, and would've started walking home just _slightly_ fast.

Although, slightly fast didn't apply at all to Sonic the Hedgehog.

Sonic grinned up at the floating figure that had been trying to burn him and his friend to a crisp for the past 2 hours. A rather fiery ball of blame was narrowly dodged as Sonic twisted and ran in a figure eight, smiling wider.

"C'mon, is that the best you can do?" He called up to their opponent. It was pretty odd; the blue hedgehog didn't even know just _who_ the heck this guy was. He had blackish-purple fur with these weird white tufts all over. His feet-or where feet should be-were glowing in a purple mist. The figure was shaped like a hedgehog, but with a few...glitches. Like no mouth...or no eyelids...

Dust flying around him, Shadow slid up next to Sonic, glaring up at...whoever it was. The black hedgehog was having a rather nice Saturday all things considered (shooting random things, outracing police cars, staring into space, the usual.) Then, Sonic appeared, smiling that _oh so annoying_ smile of his and jabbering on and on about...he didn't know what. Shadow had tuned him out after the first three syllables. Just when he thought he'd be able to sneak away from Sonic, this floating guy turns up with a laughing problem and starts throwing fireballs and ray beams.

Shadow wasn't in a good mood.

"Just what do you want freak?" The Ultimate Lifeform yelled, scowling up at the enemy.

The _really_ freaky eyes the stranger had glinted evilly as the head with 'Shadow-like' quills bent down to the two hedgehogs below him. His cheeks lifted in a smile...without a mouth to...actually smile with. Sonic and Shadow mentally cringed.

"You wouldn't remember Shadow, but I am here...for my _revenge._" The deep voice would've been impressive, except the owner was waving his arms around rather ridiculously. Shadow raised an eyebrow, something niggling at his mind...

Sonic, who was trying not to snort at the arm-waving, turned to Shadow with a confused look.

"Shads, do you know this guy?"

With a look that would make force-five hurricanes dissipate, Shadow nodded, not looking away from their opponent.

"His name is Mephiles."

Mephiles looked smug-which was an accomplishment without the use of many facial muscles-and raised his arms above his head.

"Yes, I am Mephiles, the scourge of the dark. I have returned to exact my vengeance upon my-"

"Whoa, how do you know?" Not paying attention to a word, Sonic stared at Shadow with large eyes. His doppelganger looked back seriously.

"Are you sure you can handle the information."

"Oh totally."

By now, neither of the hedgehogs was paying attention and a slightly miffed Mephiles tried to call them back to order.

"As I was saying I have-"

"Are you _completely _sure you can take it?"

"Very. Come on, hit me!"

Mephiles' unblinking eyes flicked in between the males, really feeling irritated now.

"Hello! I am going to-"

"Are you completely, one-hundred-percent, without a doubt, _REALLY _sure?"

Sonic by this point was bouncing up and down. "Yes, yes, YES!"

"Fine then. I know who he is...because I just know."

There was a long silence. Mephiles face-palmed before wincing as he remembered that doing something like that was kinda painful when you couldn't blink. Sonic blinked and shook his head.

"Wow. That right there was cool."

"_CAN WE GET BACK TO THE IMPORTANT ISSUE RIGHT NOW?_"

Sonic and Shadow looked up to an incensed Mephiles as if suddenly remembering he was there. "What?" They both asked.

"I am trying to exact Vengeance here!" Mephiles shrieked, his arms flapping about like...something that flaps about.

Wiping his thumb under his nose, Sonic smirked the smirk we all know and love and pointed up to Mephiles.

"Well whatever you've got planned, you won't get away with it Smurfiles!"

At that moment, you could've heard a pin drop. Both Shadow and Mephiles stared at Sonic, one shocked, the other horrified. After a while, Shadow finally spoke.

"Surprisingly, that isn't that bad."

Sonic grinned and Mephiles exploded.

"That bad! THAT BAD? It _is _BAD! It's _HORRIBLE_! My name should NOT be MOCKED LIKE SO!"

Emerald eyes glinting with the emotion that always set Shadow's teeth on edge, Sonic folded his arms and said, in a placating tone, "Now Smurfiles, it's perfectly natural to be uncomfortable about your heritage. Especially since Papa Smurf kicked you out of the village because you look different."

Mephiles would've been gaping at the now hysterical Sonic if he'd possessed a mouth. The Dark turned to Shadow with a mute appeal. _Shadow, you know I'm your worst enemy. Please grant me some evil villain respect here?_

Shadow stared back for a moment. Then, his red eyes widened. He lifted a finger, pointed at Mephiles and said, in the creepiest high voice imaginable, "SMURFELIS!"

From Station Square to Mobotropolis, every single being with ears heard a piercing scream of frustration echoing on the wind.

Rubbing his ears, Sonic watched the retreating figure of Mephiles-complete with flapping arms-disappear into the distance before a truly evil smile curled the speedster's lips. He turned to Shadow, who was also holding aching eardrums.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

Immediately sensing where this was going, Shadow glared at him. "Not in the slightest faker."

Sonic twitched, his face paling. "What have I told you about that word?"

"Not to use it. Why?"

_Epilogue_

Humans were startled out of their beds Sunday morning as what sounded like World War III erupted outside their homes. People opened up their windows and stood on their porches trying in vain to see what had just happened. Various things were burning in the streets along with upturned cars and exploded mailboxes.

Later that day, a newsflash had cleared up the confusion. It was reported that two blurs, a laughing blue and a swearing black, were being chased across the country by a strange screaming figure painted blue with a white hat super-glued to its head. All citizens were cautioned to stay indoors until the incident blew over.

The End.

**Took me long enough huh? Well I hope you enjoyed!  
Now that this is up, the bucketlist poll will need another visit?  
eh? Eh? Yes? No? Please?**

**Sonic, Shadow, and Mephiles belong to **SEGA

**R&R**


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